


Drunken Misadventures

by Middle_Earth_Mama



Series: The Arrangement [7]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Anal Sex, Begging, Blow Jobs, Coming Out, Dirty Talk, Don’t copy to another site, Drinking, Drunk Sex, Hangover, M/M, Multi, Nipple Piercings, Rough Treatment of Clothing, Table Sex, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-05-28 13:22:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19394995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Middle_Earth_Mama/pseuds/Middle_Earth_Mama
Summary: Dwalin, Bilbo, and Thorin finally decide to tell the company of their relationship. A lot of ale is consumed in celebration, and the three get quite drunk. Smut ensues.Probably best when read with the rest of the series, but it's up to you.





	Drunken Misadventures

**Author's Note:**

> Middle_Earth_Mama is on a roll, and she has been writing while drinking again.  
> I always write my most embarassing smut when intoxicated.  
> You've been warned.  
> And I'm not sorry

Thorin led Dwalin and Bilbo to the meeting chamber. The three were slightly nervous, though they were sure their closest friends would be supportive of their relationship. Thorin reached the door, shooting the other two a questioning look, and Dwalin and Bilbo nodded for him to open it. 

The company were already present, sitting around a table and obviously having broke into the ale. Bofur was dancing on the table, singing and laughing as the others shouted.  
“Bout time you lads joined us!” Bofur yelled over the rabble when he noticed the three enter the room.

“Bilbo! Come sing that song of the Shire! We haven't heard that one since the quest!” Kili hollered, and excited Fili nodding in agreement next to him. 

Dori nodded to the trio as they came to the head of the table. “I'm glad you've decided to gather us all together. We haven't had a moment to celebrate since we reclaimed the mountain!” Dori said as he pulled an overexcited Ori from joining Bofur on the table. 

“Yes, well, that isn't the only reason this meeting has been called,” Thorin said, the dwarves closest to him began to quiet down. 

Balin gave the king a knowing looking, quirking a brow at him, and Dwalin fidgeted between his brother and Bilbo. Bilbo glanced up at the nervous dwarf and gave him a reassuring smile. 

“What do you mean?” Dori asked as the room seemed to quiet down. All eyes were on Thorin, and he took a steadying breath as he prepared his response. These were their friends, he reminded himself, and there was no reason to be nervous. 

“Bilbo, Dwalin, and I have asked you all here to address a potential issue. It has been brought to our attention that there are some... rumors spreading through the kingdom.”

Nori smirked, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair, and Thorin wondered if maybe the thief was already aware of their secret.

“There are some dwarves in the mountain, who are under the impression that Bilbo is... having an affair with Dwalin.” Thorin glanced up at his friends, willing himself to go on.  
“We asked you all here tonight to share the truth. The truth is that Dwalin has become... a part of our relationship. When Bilbo and I are wed, Dwalin will wed us too.”

The youngest members of the group, Ori and Fili and Kili, looked very confused. Kili looked as though he may be sick. But the older members, those like Oin and Dori, simply smiled and nodded in approval. 

“Um, Uncle?” Fili said hesitantly. “Is... Is that allowed? How does that work?”

“Yes, it is allowed. It hasn't been done since before Erebor fell, but it is not unheard of,” Balin answered. “The three are treated the same as a couple. In this case, Bilbo and Dwalin would hold equal power, and both would be seen as consorts, unless of course one of them does not wish to be. It is a flexible arrangement, but both parties will have the option to equal benefits at Thorin's side. Or, sides, as it were.”

Fili nodded, and the room was silent except for the sound of a quill scratching across parchment where Ori was writing all of this down. 

“I'm happy for ya lads!” Oin yelled from across the table, and suddenly the room was filled with the sound of cheering as everyone crowded around to give head-butts and slaps on the back to the trio. 

“Hey, Bombur, pour these three some ale!” Bofur shouted at his brother. 

* * * * *

The celebration lasted long into the night. It was nearly dawn when Thorin, Dwalin, and Bilbo staggered out of the meeting chambers.

“Give 'em hell, Dwalin!” Bofur's voice carried out into the hall.

“Hey Bilbo, easy on those two! They're just dwarves, you know!” Nori called after them, his comment followed with laughter. 

Thorin shut the door behind them, and the hall was suddenly quiet around them.  
“I'll give ya hell alright,” Dwalin said, pulling Thorin into one side and Bilbo the other as they began staggering down the hall. “I intend to leave you both unable to move for the rest of the day.”

Bilbo laughed. “I doubt you could, given the state you're in!” he stumbled a bit as he talked, and Dwalin pulled him closer to keep him from falling.

“Is that so?” Dwalin asked in amusement.

Thorin grinned at the two. “Bilbo, I wouldn't underestimate Dwalin. It would take far more ale to slow him down.”

Bilbo gave the dwarf a devious smirk. “I'd love to test that theory.”

Dwalin abruptly stopped walking, leveling the hobbit with a dangerous look. “Is that a challenge?”

Bilbo licked his lips, letting his gaze rove over the thick dwarf's body. “Yes. Yes it is.”

Dwalin smirked and grabbed Bilbo around the waist. The hobbit squawked as he was thrown over Dwalin's shoulder and hauled off to the nearest empty chamber.  
Thorin followed, chuckling at Bilbo's look of aggravation, and shut the door behind them, leaning against it with his arms crossed to watch the fun. 

Dwalin yanked Bilbo's pants off of him then shifted the hobbit around and slammed him into the wall, pulling his legs up to hook over Dwalin's shoulders. He took Bilbo's half hard length into his mouth and began sucking, running his tongue over the shaft as it quickly hardened. 

Bilbo squirmed and gasped under Dwalin's attention, overwhelmed by the pleasant assault of his hot mouth. 

“Dwalin- ah! Dwalin I-!” Bilbo managed to gasp about before he was all but screaming, his climax hitting him in an overwhelming wave, his hips thrusting into Dwalin's face.

When Bilbo finally settled, Dwalin let his softening cock slide out of his mouth grinning in satisfaction.

“Well Bilbo?” Thorin asked in amusement.

“Uuhn...” Bilbo responded, unable to think much less put together a verbal response.

Dwalin carefully helped the hobbit slide to the floor, and Bilbo sat with a grateful sigh, letting his head fall back against the cool stone wall. 

“Are you my next victim, My King?” Dwalin asked, turning to face Thorin.

“I can keep up with you,” the king responded. He grabbed Dwalin's hand and yanked him close, kissing him with fervor. 

When they finally came up for air, Thorin turned and shoved Dwalin onto a nearby table. He climbed up and settled between the larger dwarf's legs, taking his mouth in another heated kiss. The two dwarves scrambled to unclothe each other, both impatient to feel the other's skin. Thorin was sure he heard his tunic rip and Dwalin hauled it over his head, and he returned the favor, ripping Dwalin's shirt right down the center before he lunged to suck at one of the larger dwarf's nipple rings. Dwalin thrusted his hips up into Thorin, seeking much needed friction as he let out a staggered breath. 

Thorin sat back and quickly began fumbling at his laces. Dwalin helped and before long they were both bare, and Thorin laid down over the other dwarf, grinding their hips together roughly. They both groaned at the drag of skin, and a half bare hobbit was suddenly there, kneeling on the table next to Dwalin's head with a vial of oil.

Thorin looked up at their intoxicated hobbit, and Bilbo blinked heavily and gave him a drunken smile. “See something you like?” Thorin asked jokingly.

“I'd like to see you fuck him,” Bilbo replied. 

Thorin and Dwalin shot their hobbit identical looks of shock as his words hit them.

“What?” Bilbo asked, only slurring slightly as he handed the oil to Thorin.

“Such foul language,” Dwalin teased. 

“Oh, you haven't heard anything yet,” Bilbo warned, leaning in closer. “Now be a good dwarf and let the king have you.”

Dwalin grinned and spread his legs further. Thorin uncorked the vial and slicked his cock eagerly. He set the head against Dwalin's hole and slowly began to push in.

“Wait, Thorin, don't go in too far yet,” Bilbo held up a hand to stay the king, before he turned back to Dwalin. “How does that feel?” Bilbo asked, his voice a near whisper.

“Feels like teasing,” the dwarf answered.

Bilbo leaned over to whisper something to Thorin, and the king smirked as the hobbit turned his attention back to the larger dwarf. Thorin moved just a little, pushing in just past the ring of muscle, then he stilled. 

“Do you like to be teased, Dwalin?” Bilbo breathed, and the dwarf nodded in response.  
“Thorin, hold him.”

Thorin gripped Dwalin's hips so he couldn't push down and take Thorin's length any deeper. He slid out of Dwalin, circling the opening with the head of his cock teasingly. 

Dwalin squirmed, trying to break Thorin's grip on him, but he couldn't manage it.  
“Dwalin, what's wrong?” Bilbo asked mockingly.  
Dwalin could only scowl in response, until Thorin dipped back inside him and his eyes fluttered shut, before he realized he would still not be filled.

“What do you want, Dwalin?” Thorin asked.

“I want you,” the larger dwarf gasped.

“Want him to what, Dwalin,” Bilbo asked, voice dropping seductively as he breathed the dwarf's name.

“I want him to fuck me! Please! Fuck me Thorin!” Dwalin begged.

Bilbo dropped to take Dwalin in a kiss as Thorin finally pressed in as deep as he could go. Dwalin moaned into Bilbo's mouth and Thorin began to move his hips fluidly. 

Bilbo leaned back, releasing Dwalin's mouth and the dwarf fought to keep his shouts silent. 

“I want to hear you, Dwalin,” Bilbo urged, “tell us what you want.”

“Harder!” Dwalin shouted.

Thorin's hips picked up pace, pounding into Dwalin and the sound of skin meeting skin echoed in the otherwise silent room. 

“Dwalin,” Bilbo whispered into the dwarf's ear, knowing how much it turned him on. “Will you cum for me, Dwalin?”

“Yes!” Dwalin's voice was strained as his climax neared. “Yes! Thorin, oh!” His words turned to shouts as he came hard and fast, his body convulsing with the strength of his orgasm. 

Dwalin sighed as his body finally settled, Bilbo's hands running softly over his head. Thorin's hips shifted, and Dwalin gasped, flinching at the overstimulation as Thorin pulled out. 

“You are not yet finished, My King,” Bilbo said as Thorin sat back on his heels. 

“No,” Thorin answered, a grin overtaking his face as the hobbit crawled toward him on the table.

“I would love to help you with that,” Bilbo said, turning around and raising up onto his hands and knees.

Thorin groaned at the sight. He quickly got up and pressed into Bilbo, wasting no time and picking up a brutal pace. 

Bilbo didn't mind. His body was pliant and loose from drink, and he arched into Thorin's thrusts, and it wasn't long before the king's grip was tightening on Bilbo's waist, his hips stuttering and finally he came, shouting Bilbo's name into the empty chamber as dawn's light poured in through the windows. 

* * * * *

Bilbo blinked in the bright morning sun. He grimaced at the headache that was beginning to thrum at the base of his skull, worsened by the glaring light blazing in the windows. He was laying on his front, pinned to the table by a very heavy dwarf king. Dwalin lay to his left, his face soft and peaceful in sleep. 

Had they really passed out in a meeting chamber? Bilbo groaned as he attempted to rouse the dwarf next to him with a prodding finger. “Dwalin? Dwalin, wake up.”  
The big dwarf moaned in pain as he came to, his face pinching up in a grimace.

“Feels like I've been sleepin on the ground again,” Dwalin grumbled. He finally managed to pry his eyes open and was greeted by an unamused hobbit. 

“Will you help me? He is quite heavy,” Bilbo asked gesturing toward the sleeping king on his back.

“Oh,” Dwalin slowly sat up and grabbed Thorin's shoulders, rolling him off of the hobbit who let out a relieved breath. “Thorin?” Dwalin shook the king, and blue eyes shot open and looked around in confusion.

“What happened?” Thorin asked.

“We passed out. Council chambers,” Dwalin answered.

Thorin groaned before he rolled off the table onto his feet. “Well come on then. Best we be getting to bed.”

“Bed? What about the kingdom?” Dwalin asked, surprised Thorin was willing to let business go for a day over a hangover.

“To hell with the kingdom. It will survive for one day,” Thorin responded as he pulled on his pants and ripped tunic. “Get dressed. We're going home, and we're going to bed.”

They dressed as quickly as they could manage, Dwalin pulling on what was left of his shirt, and they stumbled out into the hall. 

“I'm never drinking with dwarves again,” Bilbo announced.  
Thorin chuckled, and Bilbo gave him a scowl. “Why don't you two look as miserable as I feel?” he demanded.

Thorin shrugged. “Dwarves.”

Bilbo groaned, his face hiding none of his agony. 

“What's the matter? Were we too rough with you this morning?” Dwalin asked, wrapping an arm around the hobbit. 

Bilbo groaned again as Thorin and Dwalin chuckled, leaning in to share a quick kiss over Bilbo's head.  
“Oh,” Bilbo stopped dead in his tracks, and the two dwarves turned to look back at him.

“Bilbo? Are you alright?” Thorin asked.

Dwalin's voice had Thorin's eyes widening in panic. “Lady Dis, how wonderful to see you've arrived.”

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I hope you enjoyed that! Let me know what you think, and let me know if you have anything you'd like to see these three do. There will always be more!  
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
